I look down at the earth, my country - Nepal, my town - Kathmandu, my neighborhood - Lazimpat and zoom further inside my house. I see that my brother is strumming a guitar, which used to be mine. My mother is busy in the kitchen cooking dinner. It has been almost a year since my death. She seems to have lost some weight. My father is nowhere in the scene, he must be out - still at the office. I hear a baby crying. It must be my baby sister. When I was alive, my mother was still pregnant with my sister. They must have christened her by now. I so wish, they gave her the name I suggested - Bibhuti. My mother rushes to the adjacent room decorated all pink and crammed with soft toys. Earlier it used to be our store. My family seems to have resumed normalcy. My sister looks pretty, how I wish to hold her, to play with her, and to protect her from men who might try to mess with her. I was a boy too so I know how they think. She calms my sister and shuts the door. A sign hangs on the door that reads ‘Bibhuti’.


Zoom out and zoom in on my school. It is a sunny day today. Dev, my best friend is in the classroom. Instead of listening to Ms. Shrestha, our science teacher, he is looking out - lazily looking at the sun. Or is he looking at the sky - searching for me? The seat beside him is empty. He hasn’t allowed anyone to be his best friend. I feel kind of happy. But wait, there comes Roshan, the first boy of our class and sits beside Dev. So, my best friend has a new best friend now. My heart does funny things. Are the dead allowed to feel sad or hurt? When I was alive, Dev and I were inseparable. We used to go around on our bikes after school and on weekends and just cycle around. He was my first and only best friend. But he seems to have forgotten me now.


Seema has become more beautiful. How I wish I was still alive. The new girl in our batch is not bad either. In fact, she is better looking. Life is strange. Earlier she was the most beautiful person in the world and now she has been replaced. How stupid of me to die because Seema didn’t love me back. I died for someone who doesn’t care for me. It was a stupid reason to die for. But at that time, when I slit my wrists, I was angry - angry because Seema told the entire class that I wrote her a love letter and I had been embarrassed. So as soon as I had come back home from school, I had locked myself in the bathroom. But I couldn’t lock out the taunting memories of all those kids laughing at me.


Now is too late to regret killing myself.
I will miss out on a lot in life. I will miss growing handsome, going to college, drinking, partying. I missed out on being a photographer, something I always wanted to be besides travelling, and biking. If alive, I would take another chance in life, love, be a better son, go on a hike with my cousins, tell Dev that his breath stinks, be friends with Seema, pay more attention in class, take up gym classes, and have more pizzas at our favorite place.
I miss my favorite pair of shoes, the football matches, the cheer of the crowd, my Chelsea jersey, the occasional hugs from my mother and my science teacher.