With many teenagers getting into a relationship today and a new one the next day, breakups these days come cheap. But do teenagers realize the gravity of what they’re doing when they terminate (or even get into, for that matter) relationships? TEENZ explores.

 

If you’ve ever faced any of the above, or even their slight variations, you know how a typical breakup is, and all the madness it ensues. Streams of clichéd “Men are dogs/ She wasn’t that hot anyway,” dialogues from friends and (if the movies are to be believed) unlimited scoops of ice-cream is what follows. There is also the silent stalking and wishfully waiting for something to happen from the other side. Until one of them moves on, and then finally, so does the other.

 

But that is it perhaps. To the Hollywood and Bollywood fed teenagers of Kathmandu, who see Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone dance before they are 10, or see Di Caprio make steamy love to Winslet the first time they watch an English film, the idea of relationships and “love” is highly romanticized. When you see gooey eyed couples on pretty much every channel on TV, constantly hear songs about “the one” and even read about it in books, doesn’t that seem a tad bit tempting than, well, say math books and schoolwork?


“When you’re in a relationship, you have this go-to person, to whom you can open up to. You’ll always have friends but there is always a distance there. In a relationship, there is no such distance, you are comfortable with them and best of all, you are the priority.” says Prajwal, a 19 year old. “When you break up, you lose that company, and that is what you miss the most.” he says about his recent breakup, four months ago.

 

When asked the reason, he pauses and answers, “Well, things didn’t work out. We both perhaps weren’t the people that we initially thought we were.”

 

Whatever be the worked-out reason: insecurity, incompatibility, a third-wheel or even an I-want-to-be-single revelation, the actual reasons are more complicated. You could shrug off saying ‘S/he’s not the one’ but the underlying cause would more likely be that you could not stand him smoking anymore, or got tired of him/her never remembering the dates, or finally gave up on her nagging. You couldn’t settle for anything less than what you wanted; you just weren’t happy.

 

Strengthened by—again—movies, TV and celebrities who break up every other day, teenagers these days seem to see breakups as coming. After the first few months of mush, no “true love” exists and Bollywood movies suddenly turn foolish. Friends break up, their favorite athletes divorce, and breakups become the general conclusion to a relationship. Easier than trying to make it work becomes simply letting it go. With the flutters long gone, the “love” gets lost somewhere between the irritating idiosyncrasies and the “forever” comes a little too early.

Then follows the long string of loneliness, brushing off of egos and uncontrollable rumors about the same. Suddenly you’re noticed by people and are whispered about, and not necessarily in a good way too; countless awkward social exchanges occur. On the bright side, with the break up, you also get the courage to face it all. You become more confident and can defend and stand up for yourself. The breakup does that to you. After every breakup, you come out, if slightly bruised, tougher and stronger than ever.

 

Four breakups old Sukriti, 21 tells us, “With him no longer beside me, I am required to be more independent. I get immense satisfaction and pride from the fact that I am on my own and doing very well. Of course, I miss him at times, but the sense of accomplishment about makes up for it.”

One thing remains however, what after the breakup? Too often than not, the girl and the guy turn complete strangers. To quote Sukriti again, “I wish it were different. But it’s just too awkward.” Many others complain of the same “After all, being in a relationship with the person, at some point or the other, you did love them. You were close friends, why do the closeness and the friendship have to disappear after you break up?” Nisha, 18 asks. The answer lies in maturity. Are you secure enough to see the person you were once with, with somebody else? Are you mature enough to go from ‘more than friends’ to ‘just friends’, and willing to accept that? While living up a breakup is already a strong act in itself, it takes even more strength and quite a bit of maturity and understanding for the ex-couple to remain friends post-breakup.

 

In conclusion, breakups are hard; breakups are awkward. They raise eyebrows and questions that you would rather not answer. But for all the sadness and loneliness they bring, you evolve a little mature and a little wiser. The wrong choices and the naiveté behind you, you understand, If not the whole world yet, at least yourself better. Cheers to that!


Case 1: A friend, who seemed oh-so-happy in a relationship until yesterday, casually tells you she’s broken up. “It was mutual.” she says. She pretends to smile.

Case 2: A best friend calls you in the middle of the night to tell you she’s been dumped. Over the impossible NTC static and her crying and wailing, you ask the reason and strain to hear. She cries louder.

 

Case 3: The girl in the seemingly perfect relationship, whom you’d always seen with him, is happily walking alone in the street. You meet and ask her how he is doing. She says, “Oh, we broke up.”, a nonchalant response. “But you were such a nice couple. What happened?” “I wanted to be free.” she smiles.