Everyone sings praises of mothers, but here is one on fathers by Sudeshana Karki, a father’s daughter.

 

Music blared from the speakers and we were surrounded by a whirlpool of colors. We were dancing. Left foot, right foot, few lunges, a twirl and left foot again. My skirt swirled and swished as I tried to keep up with him. We were happy. We felt close. My dad and I, we danced through the night.

 

Intimate moments with my father are rare. I can count times like this on my hand. We aren’t the best of friends; I have always been closer to my mother. My dad used to take my sister and I to the zoo when we were kids, and we went out for family dinners every other weekend but it became a distant faint memory as time went by. Maybe it was because we grew up or maybe because my dad wasn’t a family person. I think it was a little bit of both.

 

My dad has always been a party person who thrives in freedom. He has never had difficulties blending in with new people or beginning a conversation. He loved spending his nights out with friends or playing cards during holidays. He is a responsible man and an amazing father but his outgoing nature took up all his time and I didn’t really see much of him. But on those rare occasions, when he’d come home early or stay in on weekends and we actually talked we never ran out of things to say. However, this didn’t happen very often because most of the time we just fought. We fought over my study habits, my carelessness, my driving, my expenditure and almost everything else in between.


When I was younger, I used to experience growth pains in my joints. I couldn’t walk very far and my father would carry me home. I knew I was his favorite but as I grew up, I became jealous and doubtful of this. As all other siblings around the world, my sister and I quarreled a lot. Whenever that happened, my father would instantly assume that it was my fault. I did not like it and instead of explaining the situation, I retorted with mean sarcastic responses. This became a habit and as I grew older, the routine got stronger. My father and I are alike in so many ways; hot headed, carefree and driven by the need to be right at all times and maybe our rows were fueled by our similarities.


My father was brilliant. The amount of confidence he exuded, his affability and his helpfulness was amazing. If I could be even half the person that he is, I would be proud of myself. However, my dad didn’t do so well in the sensitivity department. There was this one time, it was late and my father needed to buy medicines. The pharmacy was a 20-minute walk from our house and my mother offered to accompany him. He bluntly told her to stay home. The rudeness was actually his concern. He wanted my mom to be at home instead of walking in the cold. I didn’t understand this then.


My dad has a twin and my uncle is nothing like my dad. He is a family guy through and through. We have adjoining houses on a same compound. In the evenings, I would see my uncle taking my two cousins for walks. During Saturdays I’d see them basking in the sun chattering merrily about the tiniest of things that had happened to them. My evenings were punctured by their laughter that floated in through my window. It was like a rougher sketch of scene from a family movie. I sometimes secretly wished that my sister and I had something similar with our father.


Last summer, our family was invited to a wedding and all four of us went. As we reached the venue, my dad got busy with his acquaintance, my mother joined the female clan, and my sister and I started talking to the younger crowd and exploring the party. Every now and then, I caught glimpses of my father’s chuckling face accompanied by twinkle of the whiskey glass he was holding.


After a while, I started dancing. My father joined me. He was drunk of course but we danced inventing a horde of funny dance routines. My dad and I were having fun together and that wasn’t something we did frequently. We hadn’t laughed like that in years and I wondered why. As I pondered I looked up at the face I have known for my entire life. I always struggled with feelings. But right then, seeing the laughing face of my father I realized that I wasn’t the only one. At that instant millions of bits of memories flooded my mind. Memories that reminded me of all the times he fired up without reasons. But, I realized that all the altercations we had, was not without reasons. That was just his way of showing love. He did not know any other ways.


I could see the gap in his teeth through the grin that seemed to have been pasted on his face. As I studied the creases on his face, I realized how much I loved him. At that very instant, all my insecurities fell away and I realized that I would always be my old man’s favorite. It was an amazing feeling. After a while of unstoppable arm flaps and hip twists, I kicked off my shoes but never stopped dancing. That was one of the best moments with my dad. That was the best dance of my life.

Please reply

I had a friend
Who was not all that perfect
But I liked him anyways because I wasn’t perfect either
We had fun together
I could be me with him
I could be stupid, senseless
But he would tolerate me

And then he vanished suddenly
He wouldn’t reply to my SMS-es, fb messages, or emails
He wouldn’t pick up my calls either
I will not stop reaching out to him
Since I don’t want to lose him as a friend

But more than that
I couldn’t be
Stupid and senseless in front of any other person
I had lost that stupidity and senseless-ness

I miss him more for me than for him
I keep thinking if he got kidnapped, lost his memory of me or forgot how to type or lost his phone or he is just being himself- a jerk
I can’t fathom
No assumption fits right
I can’t get the right hand side and the left hand side equal
But he wouldn’t reply no matter how much I try

To my stupid and dear friend
Please reply
I fear the day when I stop noticing
Your absence in my life and become oblivious of your existence
Stop being childish and
Please reply

But keep in mind
Once you do reply
I will not let you have easy with me
I will make you pay for making me suffer

So
Please reply
And I will get even with you
And if you still do not reply
I will stop to bother about you
Therefore my friend
Please reply
For my sake and for yours
For all those moments we had together
For the good and the bad times
For the beautiful moments we will share together
For all those secrets and laughs
For us.