Do you know how it feels to land all alone in an unknown town? Those scary new faces, those dusty new roads, and everything seems to play against you. See how this boy managed to cope with this shock and learnt to live away from home.
Home is where the heart is.I keep repeating that to myself whenever the flashbacks of my childhood play in my head. Every time I lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling, I recall myself jumping in the backyard, sneaking into the kitchen to steal cookies, riding on my dad’s back, hiding under the bed from my mom, climbing an old mango tree in the front yard, playing with my dog Shaggy, and watching Tom and Jerry with my parents. I am far, very far away from all of that now but my heart just cannot get over it. Home is truly where the heart is and my heart is somewhere else.

Every time I lie on my bed and stare at my dorm room ceiling, I get lost in a whirlpool of thoughts. Had I not decided to pursue my education here in Kathmandu, I would have been relaxing on my couch watching movies on HBO. My mom would have been making me pudding. Shaggy would have been chasing butterflies in the garden. Perhaps he would have been lying by my feet, taking a nap. I still watch TV in the big room of our hostel, Pratiman dai still cooks dinner for all of us, Chhotu still barks at strangers, and Saila dai always makes us laugh with his weird accent but these places and these faces are getting old. I want to go back home.

People told me to be careful what I wish for. I ignored them. I got all that I had ever wished for in Kathmandu. However, along with it I also got what I did not want. I had come here to get education from a good college, grab all the opportunities this place had to offer, and explore this happening city and so I did. I scored great grades in my exams and now I have a job. But all those sleepless nights, all I could think of was my home. The entire dream of living in Kathmandu turned into a nightmare. Maybe I should have stayed where I belonged. My destiny had completely different plans for me though. It wanted me to suffer and so it played a horrible prank on me. It gave me everything that I ever wanted but took the most precious thing away from me – my home.

I ended up living in a hostel in Kathmandu. My hostel is not really a bad place to live but it’s not that great either. Whenever my warden shouts at me, I imagine my mom scolding me for the little mischief I did. I take my roomies as my family members. The guy in the next room is as irritating as our neighbor. Other people in the hostel are like my friends. But these people can never ever outwit my sweet memories of home. My memories of home are the only things I have left with me and nothing in this world can compare with them. One day, when I was looking at one picture of me with my parents, I felt a little uneasy with my eyes. Suddenly, I saw something drop on the picture and immediately cleansed it off. I looked around for that which had dared to ruin the only picture I had of home only to realize that it had rolled out of my left eye. I haven’t had a glance at the picture since then because I don’t want me to hate myself for leaving my home.

If I want I can go back home as of now. No one, not even god can stop me but I am bound. My parents have spent a fortune on paying for my expenses here. I can’t just leave everything and go back just because I am miserable. My parents want to make me a successful man and I can’t let them down. I have learnt to fake my sorrows and my tears with a smile. On the phone with my mom, I act as if I am happy and doing great but I can’t lie to the woman who gave birth to me. She always finds out that I am sobbing while talking to her. She pacifies me and I pretend to be comforted. But the next time on the phone with her, it’s the same story. The only solution I have is to take my hostel as a home away from home but it’s a very tough task. I can’t fool my heart to believe that the place I am living right now is my home. After all, home is where the heart is and my heart is somewhere else.