Insomnia: A small word with a relatively bigger impact. What could be more tiring than being physically unable to take a rest after a long hard day? What is more defeaning than the noise of silence when the world outside is tucked away? Read on as a writer shares her woes of those scary sleepless nights.

In my bed I lay, eyes wide open. It is dark and no one talks but I am listening to the sounds of the unknown. Every now and then, there is a movement outside my window. I assume it is a rat or a snake but that is the least of my worries. I have bigger problems.  Such powerful assumptions are one of my ways of escaping this absolute crisis. When the sunlight dies, I cannot sleep and I feel sad about it.

It has already been an hour and there is no sign of ‘drowsy to death’, still. I am staring at my stupid ceiling; it has been carrying that same expression for ages now and I always try to define the vague shadows in it which are out of shape and motionless. However, the more I look into it, a type of life ignites in the darkness and usually the outlines move. Yesterday I saw a couple, slowly taking shape and then they danced. They danced till I wanted them too. Gradually, because I got bored, I diverted my attention away and everything came to a halt. Today, I am assuming there is a ninja, it jumps up and down but I cannot figure out its obvious structure, possibly because it is moving too fast. I think I will, in a few minutes, give up the idea of shadow imagination. I’ve had enough already.

 The television is right in front of me and all I need to do is get up. The idea of getting up does not sound convincing, neither to my mind nor to my body. The lethargy literally shuns my hopes to entertainment. Sigh, I am tired but reality does not let lose. I want to dream and let go for some hours at least. Conversely, every attempt has failed.

Point to be noted, flipping sides does not help. Instead it guides me to boxes, facing different directions. Right now, the switching of sides leads me to the wrong box, the kind that Pandora once had. All the wrong thoughts fly out of it and fill my mind. The tension is rising, I can feel the lines in my forehead and they are closer than ever. I tell myself, time and again, to stop thinking. Such thoughts are unimportant and they are the fuel to my Insomnia. Although I am aware, I cannot stop thinking and as dramatic as it may sound, I am making weird noises- disgusted ones in fact. I am in a ‘what the hell’ mode, so again, I flip my side.

I am desperately searching for my cell phone. I am in need of good music and the device is precisely my last source of amusement. The fact that it is lost in my small bed is annoying. I finally hit the substance with my left foot, weird, and the battery is half empty. Chances are, it will last an hour, with a bit of luck. I am now analyzing my track list, not working! I am in a dilemma of songs. I feel that I am getting dumber by the day. Finally, moving on to the artists, I choose. “Gravity don’t mean too much to me, I’m who I’ve got to be, these pigs are after me”, My Chemical Romance.

Suddenly, the music stopped, nearly did life too, and I did not bother to look. I doubt if anything alien happened except for the battery dying. The height of sadness is just not imaginable when your battery, the only reason for a mobile’s existence, blinks in a notion that speaks empty. All I do now is groan, once again. The phone keeps calling out, that frustrating noise; I got to switch it off.

Hours have passed and I am hungry. The kitchen seems like a faraway place, the sheer thought of it is loathsome. The desire to eat has never been as great as it is right now but I refuse to move. Lazy, worn-out and worst of all, sleepless, I try and pay no heed to the enormous shouts of my bare stomach. I wish I were a toddler, life was much easier then or so it appears to be, but that is just a thought and I do not want to go there. Daylight has arrived. The windows now shine in white light. Something feels refreshing and nice about the whole crack of dawn thing. I can, in a few hours, call my friends but I am a bit sleepy now.  Should I go out today or doze off to dreamland.  Another quandary I must fight.

I feel sorry for myself and all those out there going through a similar ‘nightlife’. Actually, I don’t and thank god it’s not just me! Cheers to insomnia!

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